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Here are some of mine, Age: 0 years I was born Prince of Tanaka with a fortune of $3,497,813 in Kyoto, Japan. I was conceived on a summer vacation in the countryside.

My birthday is May 17. I am a Taurus.

My name is Ryota Hatake. My mother is Youko Hatake, the Empress of Japan (age 22). My father is Takumi Hatake, the Prince Consort of Japan (age 24). We have a family dog named Astro.

Age: 2 years I became friends with Yuta Hideyoshi.

Age: 2 years, 6 months A Category 1 cyclone has hit the shores of Pakistan, bringing high levels of rainfall and wind gusts of up to 100 miles per hour. Several surfers in the area have been spotted taking advantage of the unusually large swells, despite the numerous risks involved.

Age: 3 years I became friends with Hayato Ikeda.

Age: 3 years, 6 months It makes me laugh when I see someone get hurt on TV.

Age: 4 years, 6 months The United Arab Emirates has launched a boycott of all exports from Iraq.

Age: 5 years, 6 months I punished a commoner with a stoning after he took a selfie with me without my permission.

Age: 6 years I have been enrolled in elementary school at Little Akechi Elementary School, a private school.

Age: 6 years, 6 months My favorite scene in 'Home Alone' is when the gangster pumps a filthy animal's keister full of lead.

Age: 7 years, 6 months There's nothing that satisfies me more than hearing the woosh of a knife as the blade slices through the air.

Age: 9 years I had my classmate, Shikamaru, imprisoned after he said that if I get bullied, he will stick up for the bully.

Age: 9 years, 6 months I have come to enjoy lighting a bunch of firecrackers and throwing them at random people in the street.

Age: 10 years, 6 months Conditions have became unbearable as tensions between Iraq and the United Arab Emirates have escalated into war.

Age: 11 years My schnauzer, Astro, perished after losing his last fight, against old age.

Age: 12 years I started lower secondary school at Thoroughbred Lower Secondary School, a private school.

I posted on Twitter that I will play my first life as a Welsh corgi when DogLife launches in November.

Age: 12 years, 6 months Australia intervenes in the war between Iraq and the United Arab Emirates, drawing an end to the 8-year conflict. Remarkably, only 73 died in the conflict and a further 111 were injured.

My classmate, Azumi, asked me out. I am now going out with Azumi Matsuda.

Age: 13 years I signed up for a YouTube account.

Age: 13 years, 6 months A terrorist attack in Nepal has claimed the lives of 1,021 innocent people.

I visited the headmaster's office and reported my classmate, Ryuki, for skipping school. Ryuki was suspended from school for two days! Ryuki lunged at me! He trampled my coccyx. I denounced a new law to make it illegal to behave in a boomerly manner.

Age: 14 years The social media star, Arata Kubo, called me a conceited sloppynuts in a radio interview. I called him a smug douchecrease in a magazine interview.

Age: 14 years, 6 months I punished my classmate, Tsubaki, with a magnifying glass after she created a viral video that mocked me.

Age: 15 years Azumi started upper secondary school.

I started upper secondary school at Aperture Preparatory School, a private school.

I had an outbreak of pimples. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Takagi diagnosed me with acne. Dr. Takagi treated my acne. I continue to suffer from acne.

Age: 15 years, 6 months I called my art teacher, Mr. Ando, neat after he said that I am a joy to have in the class.

Age: 16 years My classmate, Aoi, asked me to help her cheat in Mr. Ando's class. I visited the headmaster's office and reported my classmate, Aoi, for trying to get me to help her cheat. The headmaster, Mr. Miyazaki, said he would look into it.

Age: 16 years, 6 months I had my classmate, Tora, imprisoned after she said my crown is a cheap Chinese imitation.

Age: 17 years Azumi and I have been together for 5 years. My mother has been diagnosed with diarrhea.

Age: 17 years, 6 months Even though she doesn't mention it by name, I'm pretty sure Taylor Swift also left her contract with Scooter Braun at Jake Gyllenhaal's house.

Age: 18 years Azumi graduated from upper secondary school. My mother is no longer suffering from diarrhea.

I graduated from upper secondary school.

I failed my driving test. I mourned my late schnauzer, Astro. I denounced a new law to ban feather-stuffed pillows. I raced go-karts with Wayne Gretzky. I unveiled a plaque at the library in Kyoto. I had dark thoughts. I poured antifreeze in my mother's iced tea when she wasn't looking! She died. My mother was murdered. I paid my respects at her funeral. I have succeeded my mother and become the Emperor of Japan. I had dark thoughts. I tried to sneak an elephant laxative into my father's morning smoothie! He lunged at me! He whacked my tooth. I had dark thoughts. I poured antifreeze in my father's iced tea when he wasn't looking! He died. My father was murdered. I paid my respects at his funeral. I inherited $43,792,584. I contemplated executing someone. I had my friend, Hayato, submerged slowly into a vat of acid.

Age: 18 years, 6 months I witnessed Azumi choke on a cookie! I sat there and watched while she collapsed and died! Azumi died after choking on a cookie. I couldn't be bothered to attend her funeral.

Age: 19 years I have been diagnosed with depression. I decided it's time to focus on my royal duties. I supported a new law to protect insects from being accidentally stepped on.

Age: 19 years, 6 months I had a commoner imprisoned who served me tea at 83 degrees Celsius instead of your preferred temperature of 82 degrees.

Age: 20 years I was arrested for murder! I declared that I am the Emperor of Japan to the officers that arrested me. They let me go!

Age: 20 years, 6 months My friend, Yuta's, girlfriend, Tsubame, showed up at my house wearing a sexy angel outfit.

Age: 21 years The famous rapper, Takehiko Miyazaki, called me a smug douchebag in a magazine interview. I called him a conceited coward in a radio interview.

Age: 21 years, 6 months I supported a new law to prohibit people over the age of four from sucking their thumbs.

Age: 22 years I told my friend that if Britney Spears plans on celebrating her freedom for two months, she should do it in style, playing DogLife.

Age: 22 years, 6 months I appeared on The Sosuke Murakami Show. I embarassed myself on live TV. Journalists across the country criticized me for promoting my royal agenda on a talk show. I publicly denounced my critics. I contemplated executing someone. I had a Fortnite fanatic crucified.

Age: 23 years I witnessed a sneakerhead vandalizing a convenience store. I looked the other way.

Age: 23 years, 6 months I earned $188,000 by appearing as the nude centerfold in the April issue of Salty Stick magazine.

Age: 24 years The YouTube star, Noboru Ueno, said I'm an overrated buffoon in a radio interview. I called him an overrated snake in a magazine interview.

Age: 24 years, 6 months My friend, Yuta, started a rumor that I won the lottery and didn't tell anyone. I didn't let it bother me.

Age: 25 years I signed up for an Instagram account.

Age: 26 years I witnessed a blind man littering. I looked the other way.

Age: 26 years, 6 months I am now dating Mitski Onisihi.

Age: 27 years Mitski encouraged me to give up my virginity to her. I broke up with Mitski Onisihi. I was cured of depression.

Age: 27 years, 6 months No cows are spared from a terrible twister that tears through Canada. 71 cows perish, while all locals survive unscathed.

I learned everything I could about issues of inequality in my country.

Age: 28 years Someone called @abetaisei posted on Instagram that I believe the earth is flat. I asked @abetaisei to meet me in person. He refused to meet me. I contemplated executing someone. I had a massive beehive dropped on my ex, Mitski, in an enclosed room.

Age: 28 years, 6 months I declined an invitation from my friend, Yuta, to take cocaine with him.

Age: 29 years I said no to adderall.

Age: 29 years, 6 months Newly discovered precious natural resources have been found in Saudi Arabia, resulting in an export rivalry with Turkey.

Age: 30 years I earned $41,800 by appearing in a regional television commercial for Sunbeam Regency Kyoto.

Age: 30 years, 6 months A new wave of economic sanctions imposed by Saudi Arabia force Turkey to retaliate with military force.

I signed up for a Twitter account.

Age: 31 years I decided to have a one night stand with Haruka Machii. I changed my mind since there was no condom available.

Age: 31 years, 6 months I punished a commoner with a wedgie after she stuck her tongue out at me.

Age: 32 years A K-pop hit single entitled "I'mma Japanese Emperor" became wildly popular in my country. Even though some thought it was disrespectful, I decided to perform the song myself in the streets of Shinjuku.

Age: 32 years, 6 months I had a tourist imprisoned who addressed me as "your excellency" instead of "your majesty".

Age: 33 years I found a duffle bag full of methamphetamine. I was caught trying to sell it! I was arrested for drug trafficking! I declared that I am the Emperor of Japan to the officers that arrested me. They let me go!

Age: 33 years, 6 months A giant sleeping volcano in Hong Kong erupts, pitching large chunks of rock and magma 4 miles outward. The death toll rises to 36.

I took xanax with my friend, Yuta.

Age: 34 years I have been diagnosed with depression.

Age: 34 years, 6 months A junkie called me a dork! I licked her mouth!

A DogLife app icon sticker has come into my possession.

Age: 35 years I went clubbing at Takumi's Lounge. They gave me backstage access and two bottles of bourbon. I decided to have a one night stand with Asuka Imai. I practiced safe sex.

Age: 36 years I couldn't stop scratching my eyes. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Takagi diagnosed me with hay fever. Dr. Takagi treated my hay fever. I continue to suffer from hay fever.
Age: 36 years, 6 months I took xanax with my friend, Yuta.

Age: 37 years After being threatened by a cloaked man in the royal garden, I immediately alerted the military to the threat of a potential revolution.

Age: 37 years, 6 months Turkey overthrows Saudi Arabia's government and imposes a new regime in its place, marking the end of the war between the two countries. 211 people lost their lives and a further 17,693 were left injured by the war.

I ignored a gangster who addressed me as "your excellency" instead of "your majesty".

Age: 38 years My ex-fling, Asuka, sent me a picture from her last sexual encounter. I sent her back a spicy shower video.

Age: 38 years, 6 months I decided to have a one night stand with Botan Ando. I practiced safe sex.

Age: 39 years I was cured of depression.

Age: 39 years, 6 months My friend, Yuta, started a rumor that I was held back in third grade for three years. I delivered a right hook to my friend, Yuta's, stomach! Then I gave him an elbow drop to the stomach, making him vomit! He attacked me with an ice pick! He stabbed my spine. I died after being attacked with an ice pick. My net worth at the time of my death was $79,219,044. copied to clipboard Emperor Ryota's antics came to an abrupt halt at the age of 39 courtesy of an ice pick. His royal services were attended by a handful of devoted followers.

A charming and gifted man, he was born into Japanese royalty. Emperor Ryota dutifully served his country as the Emperor of Japan. A despicable individual, everyone discovered he killed his own parent. Age: 0 years I was born a female in New Orleans, United States. I was an accidental pregnancy.

My birthday is January 12. I am a Capricorn.

My name is Baby Maker Thing. My mother is Kaelynn Thing, a professor (age 27). My father is Maurice Thing, an Army enlistee (age 32). I have an older sister named Ciara (age 1). We have a family cat named Sorento.

Age: 1 year An avalanche has occurred in Switzerland, burying a small village that was in its path. The population of the village is 326, but the number of casualties has yet to be determined.

My cat, Sorento, attacked me! He sliced open my ankle.

Age: 2 years My big sister, Ciara, has been diagnosed with whooping cough.

I became friends with Tiana Stoner.

Age: 3 years I remained calm when my mother took me to the doctor's office to get vaccinated.

Age: 4 years My big sister, Ciara, started elementary school. She is no longer suffering from whooping cough. My mother and my father had a baby girl named Mikayla, my new sister. She was conceived after my mother had a botched tubal ligation procedure.

Austria's political slander campaign against Italy's leader, Melissa Bucca, has sparked heated hostility between the two governments.

I admitted to my parents that I broke their toaster.

Age: 5 years I have been enrolled in elementary school at St. Mickey's Elementary School, a private school.

Age: 6 years It makes me laugh when I see someone get hurt on TV.

I gave my toy to another child I was playing with.

Age: 7 years My cat, Sorento, climbed on me while I was relaxing on the couch. I rewarded him with some cheese.

Age: 8 years I was appreciative to my parents for taking me and my sisters on a family vacation to Melbourne.

Age: 9 years My little sister, Mikayla, started elementary school. My mother and my father had a baby boy named Dwayne, my new brother. He was a planned pregnancy.

Italy has begun using cutting edge military drones to target military bases in Austria.

My cat, Sorento, left a dead weasel on my pillow. I worked with him on his behavior. My cat, Sorento, attacked me! He scratched my throat.

Age: 10 years My big sister, Ciara, started middle school.

Italy has waived its white flag as it surrenders to Austria. Official numbers have not been reported, but the death toll is expected to be unprecedented.

My cat, Sorento, perished after losing his last fight, against old age. I am suffering from pneumonia. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Anderson established that I am suffering from pneumonia. Dr. Anderson treated my pneumonia. I was cured of pneumonia.

Age: 11 years My mother has been diagnosed with diarrhea.

I started middle school at St. Ronda's Middle School, a private school.

I tongue-kissed Alvaro Gulch. It was my first kiss. He tasted like medicine.

Age: 12 years My mother is no longer suffering from diarrhea.

My parents got me and my siblings a cat named Gypsy.

Age: 13 years My big sister, Ciara, started high school. My father has been diagnosed with ebola.

After being told to do so, I brushed and flossed my teeth to keep my pearly whites shining bright. I had a conversation with my classmate, Molly, about the best movie villian of all time. I asked out my classmate, Alvaro. I am now going out with Alvaro Gulch. I took Alvaro to graffiti train cars.

Age: 14 years Alvaro started high school. My little brother, Dwayne, started elementary school.

I started high school at Lorenzo Stanley High School, a private school.

Alvaro broke up with me. I wished him the best.

Age: 15 years My little sister, Mikayla, started middle school.

I refused to join YouTube.

Age: 16 years A 93-year-old woman in Nigeria has won the lottery for a third time, making her one of the wealthiest citizens in the country.

I failed my driving test. I feel much happier after incorporating what I learned about happiness from the Dalai Lama.

Age: 17 years My big sister, Ciara, graduated from high school. My little sister, Mikayla, has been diagnosed with scarlet fever.

My father died from complications associated with ebola. I paid my respects at his funeral.

Age: 18 years My big sister, Ciara, began studying nursing at university. My little sister, Mikayla, started high school.

I graduated from high school.

South Africa has implemented a program in which homeless citizens are being hired to cuddle newborn babies. Reports claim that both crime and unemployment are down, while smiles are reported to be up nationwide.

I have been diagnosed with depression. I got an interview at The Fitzgerald Company for their Apprentice Carpenter opening. I was hired for the position of Apprentice Carpenter for The Fitzgerald Company with a salary of $42,984.

Age: 19 years My little sister, Mikayla, is no longer suffering from scarlet fever.

When I saw that Taylor Swift's version of 'All Too Well' had become the longest #1 hit of all time, I felt like 'Easy on Me' by Adele would have been more deserving of that record.

Age: 20 years My little brother, Dwayne, started middle school.

I have a new supervisor named Angel Maggot. The Fitzgerald Company promoted me to Carpenter with a salary of $54,627.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety. I visited the psychiatrist. I visited the psychiatrist. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Anderson said that I am not suffering from any conditions. I'm going to start working 70 hours a week at The Fitzgerald Company from now on.

Age: 21 years I noticed that I wrote about women a lot in my journal. I identified as bisexual.

Age: 22 years My big sister, Ciara, graduated from university with an undergraduate degree in nursing. She started medical school. She moved out. My little sister, Mikayla, graduated from high school.

I have been given a raise of 4.3%. My salary is now $56,956.

I have been diagnosed with high blood pressure. I began working harder in my job as Carpenter.

Age: 23 years My big sister, Ciara, has been diagnosed with bowel polyps. My little sister, Mikayla, began studying graphic design at university. She moved out. My little brother, Dwayne, started high school.

My cat, Gypsy, escaped. I decided to look for her. My cat, Gypsy, died after escaping from home.

Age: 24 years My big sister, Ciara, married Aiden Wayne, a 31-year old firefighter.

I have been given a raise of 4.1%. My salary is now $59,286.

I signed up for an Instagram account.

Age: 25 years My big sister, Ciara, is no longer suffering from bowel polyps.

I spent some time relaxing by going for a walk in the woods.

Age: 26 years My little brother, Dwayne, has been diagnosed with diarrhea.

I have been given a raise of 3.9%. My salary is now $61,615.

I was cured of depression. I pooped blood. I did some research online and concluded that I have bowel polyps. I decided to visit the doctor. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Anderson diagnosed me with itchy bottom. Dr. Anderson treated my itchy bottom. I was cured of itchy bottom. I turned in a duffle bag that I found.

Age: 27 years My big sister, Ciara, and her husband, Aiden, had a baby girl named Hannah Wayne. My little sister, Mikayla, graduated from university with an undergraduate degree in graphic design. She started a new position as Jr. Animator for The Swallows Group. My little brother, Dwayne, graduated from high school. He is no longer suffering from diarrhea.

I was cured of anxiety. I turned down a chance to take a suitcase to the Bahamas for $11,500.

Age: 28 years My little brother, Dwayne, began studying information systems at university. He moved out.

I have been given a raise of 3.8%. My salary is now $63,944.

My little sister, Mikayla, asked me to get up to some mischief with her. I told her that sounds great. My little sister, Mikayla, and I slashed a stranger's tires in a busy parking lot.

Age: 29 years My big sister, Ciara, graduated from medical school. She started a new position as Jr. Physical Therapist for Principal Medical Center. She and her husband, Aiden, had a baby girl named Kylie Wayne.

A crisis looms as tensions between Colombia and Argentina heighten.

I went to play in the rain with my company on a team building exercise.

Age: 30 years My little sister, Mikayla, has been promoted to Animator.

I have been given a raise of 3.6%. My salary is now $66,272.

I experienced intense cramps. I did some research online and concluded that I have an urinary tract infection. I decided to visit the doctor. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Anderson diagnosed me with diarrhea. Dr. Anderson treated my diarrhea. I was cured of diarrhea. My ex-boyfriend, Alvaro, asked to get back together with me. I agreed to get back together with him. I told Alvaro that he's suave. I made love to Alvaro. I made love to Alvaro.

My boyfriend seems different. Alvaro and I had a heart-to-heart about why mannequins often have erect nipples. I worked out at the gym. I worked out at the gym. I went to the emergency room.

Age: 31 years Alvaro has been promoted to Store Manager.

I told my friend that I'd sit on a German Chocolate Cake in honor of National Cake Day. I made love to Alvaro. I became pregnant with Alvaro's baby!

Age: 32 years My niece, Hannah, started elementary school. My little sister, Mikayla, married Dirk Ortiz-Badcock, a 35-year old mail carrier. She changed her name to Mikayla Ortiz-Badcock. My little brother, Dwayne, graduated from university with an undergraduate degree in information systems. He started a new position as Massage Therapist for United Salon & Spa.

I have been given a raise of 3.5%. My salary is now $68,601.

My niece, Kylie, slipped onto train tracks and was electrocuted. I paid my respects at her funeral. I gave birth to a baby girl named Si Gulch. I made love to Alvaro. I became pregnant with Alvaro's baby!

Age: 33 years My little sister, Mikayla, has been promoted to Sr. Animator.

I suffered a blighted ovum miscarriage! Alvaro made love to me. I became pregnant with Alvaro's baby! Alvaro made love to me.

Age: 34 years My little sister, Mikayla, and Dirk Ortiz-Badcock divorced. She changed her name back to Mikayla Thing. My mother has been diagnosed with hemorrhoids.

I have been given a raise of 3.4%. My salary is now $70,930.

Mother nature moved her body in a dangerous cyclone through Australia. Most evacuated, however 10 deaths have been confirmed.

I gave birth to a baby boy named Baby Gulch. I had my son, Baby, circumcised. I chose to vaccinate my daughter, Si. I made love to Alvaro. Alvaro and I made love. I became pregnant with Alvaro's baby! I made love to Alvaro. Alvaro and I made love.

Age: 35 years My big sister, Ciara, has been promoted to Physical Therapist.

I gave birth to a baby boy named Baby Gulch. Alvaro Gulch proposed to me with a 0.41-carat diamond ring at a coffee shop! I accepted his proposal! I made love to Alvaro. I made love to Alvaro. Alvaro made love to me.

Age: 36 years I have a new supervisor named Grayson Hamilton-Pratt. I have been given a raise of 3.3%. My salary is now $73,260.

I told my friend, Tiana, that she should consider couples counseling because her husband isn't fulfilling her sexual needs. I married Alvaro at a country club. Alvaro and I went to Warsaw, Poland, for our honeymoon. Following the wedding, I decided to keep my last name, Thing. Alvaro decided to keep his name. Alvaro brought cash assets of $0 into our marriage. I made love to Alvaro.

Age: 37 years My daughter, Si, started elementary school. My niece, Hannah, has been diagnosed with pneumonia. My little sister, Mikayla, has been diagnosed with bowel polyps. My mother is no longer suffering from hemorrhoids.

I signed up for a Twitter account. Alvaro and I made love. I became pregnant with Alvaro's baby!

Age: 38 years My niece, Hannah, started middle school. She is no longer suffering from pneumonia.

I have been given a raise of 3.2%. My salary is now $75,589.

I gave birth to a baby girl named Money Maker Gulch-Thing. Alvaro made love to me. I made love to Alvaro. Alvaro and I made love. I made love to Alvaro.

Age: 39 years My son, Baby, started elementary school. My mother retired.

Alvaro suggested we buy a Nissan Pathfinder.

Alvaro and I bought a new gray Nissan Pathfinder for $36,255. Alvaro and I made love.

Age: 40 years Alvaro has been diagnosed with hemorrhoids. My son, Baby, started elementary school. My little sister, Mikayla, is no longer suffering from bowel polyps.

I have been given a raise of 3.1%. My salary is now $77,917.

I feuded with my little brother, Dwayne, about investment options. I lost my temper with him. I headbutted my little brother, Dwayne's, face! Then I punted him in the pancreas! I was arrested for assault! I cooperated with the police during my arrest. I was charged with assault. I hired Hayes & Associates to represent me in court. I plead not guilty. I have been convicted of assault and sentenced to one year in prison! They sent me to New Orleans State Jail, a minimum security prison. I was fired by The Fitzgerald Company.

Age: 41 years My niece, Hannah, started high school. My big sister, Ciara, and Aiden Wayne divorced. She has been promoted to Sr. Physical Therapist.

I have been freed from prison.

The first ever gaming Olympics have been organized in Pakistan.

I was cured of high blood pressure. I applied for the position of Sr. Banker at Wang Community Bank but didn't get an interview. I applied for the position of Jr. Physical Therapist at Jay Miller-Harris but didn't get an interview. I applied for the position of Carpenter at Jefferson Design but was rejected because of my criminal record. The job recruiter identified the position of Apprentice Blacksmith at Gambino Design as a match for my skill set. I turned down an interview for the position. The job recruiter identified the position of Janitor at Kayak Development as a match for my skill set. I turned down an interview for the position. I applied for the position of Carpenter at Jefferson Design but was rejected because of my criminal record. I applied for the position of Apprentice Carpenter at Lopez Design but was rejected because of my criminal record. The job recruiter identified the position of Voiceover Actor at Espinoza Productions as a match for my skill set. I agreed to an interview for the position. The job recruiter identified the position of Writer at Handy Press as a match for my skill set. I agreed to an interview for the position. I was hired for the position of Writer for Handy Press with a salary of $17,779.

Age: 42 years My daughter, Si, has been diagnosed with the chicken pox.

Alvaro asked me for a divorce. I begged him to stay and he changed his mind. I slept all night but woke up without any energy. I did some research online and concluded that I have bulimia. I decided to visit the doctor. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Wallace diagnosed me with pneumonia. Dr. Wallace treated my pneumonia. I was cured of pneumonia. Alvaro did not feel like making love to me. Alvaro refused to go to relationship counseling with me. Alvaro refused to go to relationship counseling with me. I told Alvaro that he's cute. Alvaro refused to renew our wedding vows.

Age: 43 years My daughter, Si, started middle school. She is no longer suffering from the chicken pox. My daughter, Money Maker, started elementary school.

I have been given a raise of 26.7%. My salary is now $22,520.

I immediately rewrote some work I lost after my computer crashed.

Age: 44 years I have a new supervisor named Logan Durant.

Alvaro asked me for a divorce. Alvaro Gulch and I are now divorced. As part of the divorce settlement, the judge ordered our assets to be divided equally. My divorce from Alvaro Gulch is final. I headbutted Alvaro's skull! Then I tickled his torso, causing him to pee his pants! He died from his injuries. Alvaro was murdered. I paid my respects at his funeral.

Age: 45 years My son, Baby, started middle school. My niece, Hannah, graduated from high school.

I have been given a raise of 21.1%. My salary is now $27,261.

I decided to attack a streetworker who was hollering at me! I headbutted the streetworker's forehead! Then I kneed her in the calf, making her leg go numb! She stormed me! She punctured my kneecap. She perforated my chin. I was arrested for assault! I cooperated with the police during my arrest. I was charged with assault. I hired a public defender to represent me in court. I plead not guilty. I have been convicted of assault and sentenced to two years in prison! They sent me to New Orleans Correctional Institution, a medium security prison. I was fired by Handy Press.

Age: 46 years My daughter, Si, started high school. My son, Baby, started middle school. My niece, Hannah, started a new position as Apprentice Cameraman for Shaft TV. My little sister, Mikayla, gave birth to a girl named Sydney Badcock.

I am suffering from depression. I gave my cafeteria tray to a gargantuan inmate after she made a claim to it.

Age: 47 years I have been freed from prison.

Age: 48 years My son, Baby, started high school. My niece, Hannah, moved out. She has been promoted to Cameraman.

I witnessed a club promoter urinating in public. He saw me call the police! The club promoter started arguing with me after I called the police on him. I headbutted his skull! Then I clawed his eye, leaving him with a scratched cornea!

Age: 49 years My son, Baby, started high school. My daughter, Money Maker, started middle school. My little sister, Mikayla, has adopted a 2-year old girl named Nakita O'Connor.

A friend of my little sister, Mikayla, offered to set me up with a job as Exorcist for New Orleans Community Church. I was hired for the position of Exorcist for New Orleans Community Church with a salary of $21,454.

Age: 50 years My daughter, Si, graduated from high school. My son, Baby, has been diagnosed with epilepsy. My little brother, Dwayne, has fathered a boy named Zion Thing.

I was cured of depression. I couldn't afford to pay for my daughter, Si's college education.

Age: 51 years My daughter, Si, began studying information systems at university. My niece, Hannah, married Dirk Schlitz-Huang, a 18-year old unemployed person. My niece, Sydney, started elementary school.

I told my friend, Tiana, that I would drop off a package that reeked of weed at the post office, but instead, I kept it for myself.

Age: 52 years My daughter, Si, has been diagnosed with itchy bottom. My son, Baby, graduated from high school. My daughter, Money Maker, started high school. My niece, Nakita, started elementary school.

My supervisor, Michael, asked me to start putting in 52 hours a week at New Orleans Community Church. I told him that would be no problem.

Age: 53 years My daughter, Si, is no longer suffering from itchy bottom. My son, Baby, began studying engineering at university. My son, Baby, graduated from high school. My little sister, Mikayla, has adopted a 4-year old boy named Vernon Affleck.

I am now dating Elmer Garfield.
Age: 54 years My daughter, Si, moved out. My son, Baby, has been diagnosed with hemorrhoids. My son, Baby, began studying dance at university. He moved out. My niece, Hannah, and Dirk Schlitz-Huang divorced. My nephew, Vernon, started elementary school. My mother has been diagnosed with hearing loss.

Elmer broke up with me. I delivered a roundhouse kick to Elmer's stomach! Then I struck him in the heart, leaving him blue! He attacked me! He punctured my brain. I was arrested for assault! I flirted with the police officers that arrested me. I was charged with assault. I hired a public defender to represent me in court. I plead not guilty. I have been convicted of assault and sentenced to three years in prison! They sent me to New Orleans Correctional Institution, a medium security prison. I was fired by New Orleans Community Church.

Age: 55 years My daughter, Si, graduated from university with an undergraduate degree in information systems. She started graduate school. My niece, Sydney, has been diagnosed with epilepsy.

I am suffering from depression. I frolicked in the grass with a group of hardened inmates and made daisy chains in the sun.

Age: 56 years My son, Baby, moved out. My daughter, Money Maker, graduated from high school. My niece, Nakita, has been diagnosed with lactose intolerance.

I am suffering from hay fever. I tried acid.

Age: 57 years My daughter, Si, graduated from graduate school. She started a new position as Asst. Principal for New Orleans Public Schools. My son, Baby, graduated from university with an undergraduate degree in engineering. He started a new position as Pilot Trainee for Baseline Airlines. He is no longer suffering from hemorrhoids. My daughter, Money Maker, started a new position as Travel Associate for Lanika Gambino. She moved out. My niece, Sydney, started middle school. My niece, Nakita, is no longer suffering from lactose intolerance.

I have been freed from prison.

Age: 58 years My son, Baby, graduated from university with an undergraduate degree in dance. He started a new position as Legal Secretary for Bumgarner & Associates. My daughter, Money Maker, has been diagnosed with itchy bottom. My niece, Nakita, started middle school.

My Nissan Pathfinder has a broken fuel injector. I decided not to repair it. I posted an ad for my gray Nissan Pathfinder. I sold my Nissan Pathfinder to a mall cop for $3,100. I tried to sell my 0.41-carat diamond engagement ring. I sold my 0.41-carat diamond engagement ring to a pimp for $600. I applied for the position of Plumber at The Fitzgerald Company but didn't get an interview. I applied for the position of Jr. Editor at The New Orleans Inquirer but didn't get an interview. I applied for the position of Apprentice Carpenter at Anytime Inc. but was rejected because of my criminal record. I applied for the position of Mail Carrier at The City of New Orleans but was rejected because of my criminal record. I applied for the position of Bartender at Ashley's Cafe but didn't get an interview. I applied for the position of Clerk at New Orleans Public Library but didn't get an interview. I applied for the position of Apprentice Plumber at Shaft Inc. but was rejected because of my criminal record. I applied for the position of Apprentice Trucker at Dreamcatcher Trucking & Services but was rejected because of my criminal record. I applied for the position of Apprentice Music Composer at Green Valley Studios but didn't get an interview. I applied for the position of Telemarketer at Commonwealth Dynamics but didn't get an interview. I got an interview at United Salon & Spa for their Apprentice Hairdresser opening. I was hired for the position of Apprentice Hairdresser for United Salon & Spa with a salary of $20,482.

Age: 59 years My daughter, Money Maker, is no longer suffering from itchy bottom. My mother is no longer suffering from hearing loss.

My mother died while sleeping peacefully. I planned her funeral and donated her body to science. My mother left $2,380,841 to each of my siblings but left me nothing.

Age: 60 years My niece, Sydney, started high school. My nephew, Vernon, started middle school.

To celebrate National Pie in the Face Day, I told my friend to throw a chocolate pie in my face. I told my daughter, Si, that she's wonderful. My daughter, Si, and I had a heart-to-heart about whether or not a person has to be self-absorbed to take selfies. My daughter, Si, refused to give me money and reminded me that I'm supposed to be the parent.

Age: 61 years My daughter, Money Maker, has been promoted to Tour Operator. My niece, Nakita, started high school. My big sister, Ciara, has been diagnosed with hemorrhoids.

My co-worker, Johnny, took a picture of me when I dozed off at work, then made copies of the pic and posted them around the office. I laughed it off. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Roach established that I am suffering from hay fever. Dr. Roach treated my hay fever. I continue to suffer from hay fever. I went to the emergency room. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Roach established that I am suffering from hay fever. Dr. Roach treated my hay fever. I continue to suffer from hay fever.

Age: 62 years I went with some friends to the horse races. I lost $400 after betting on a losing horse named Daring Spirit!

Age: 63 years My daughter, Si, has been promoted to Principal. My son, Baby, has been promoted to Co-Pilot. My daughter, Money Maker, gave birth to a girl named Deja Copeland. My nephew, Vernon, started high school. My big sister, Ciara, is no longer suffering from hemorrhoids.

I took my daughter, Si, canoeing. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Roach established that I am suffering from hay fever. Dr. Roach treated my hay fever. I continue to suffer from hay fever. I worked out at the gym.

Age: 64 years My son, Baby, has been promoted to Legal Records Manager. My niece, Sydney, graduated from high school. My little sister, Mikayla, has been diagnosed with cancer of the thyroid.

Peru has enforced a dealings ban on Saudi Arabia.

I was cured of depression. I started drinking rum & cokes.

Age: 65 years My daughter, Money Maker, has been promoted to General Manager. My niece, Sydney, began studying graphic design at university. My niece, Nakita, graduated from high school. My big sister, Ciara, retired.

I apologized after leaving a bald spot on a customer's head and didn't charge him for the haircut.

Age: 66 years My son, Baby, has fathered a girl named Zoe Gulch. My niece, Sydney, moved out. My niece, Nakita, started a new position as Apprentice Trucker for Pristine Trucking & Services.

The Netherlands's leader, Benjamin Dijkstra, began laughing uncontrollably during his UN address. The internet had a field day.

I am now dating Luther Phillips. Luther refused to go to relationship counseling with me.

Age: 67 years My nephew, Vernon, graduated from high school.

My little sister, Mikayla, died from complications associated with cancer of the thyroid. I paid my respects at her funeral.

Age: 68 years My granddaughter, Deja, started elementary school. My niece, Nakita, has been promoted to Trucker. My nephew, Vernon, started a new position as Travel Associate for Lanika Gambino.

Luther broke up with me. I called him a jackwagon. I asked my daughter, Money Maker, for money and she gave me $210. I asked my son, Baby, for money and he gave me $710.

Age: 69 years My son, Baby, has been promoted to Pilot. My daughter, Money Maker, has been promoted to Regional Manager. My niece, Sydney, graduated from university with an undergraduate degree in graphic design. She started a new position as Jr. Graphic Designer for Lopez Design. My niece, Nakita, moved out. My nephew, Vernon, married Ramona Kirk, a 18-year old unemployed person. My little brother, Dwayne, has been diagnosed with flatulence.

I tried to take a a man purse that I found but the owner started arguing with me. Someone started arguing with me after I took his man purse. I verbally abused him. He stormed me! He stamped my coccyx. I called the police on him and he was arrested. My legs feel stronger after going for a ride on a tandem bicycle.

Age: 70 years My son, Baby, has been promoted to Paralegal. My little brother, Dwayne, is no longer suffering from flatulence.

I complained to the manager after receiving bad service at a restaurant.

Age: 71 years My granddaughter, Zoe, started elementary school. My niece, Nakita, married Hareem Pitt, a 18-year old unemployed person. She changed her name to Nakita Pitt. My nephew, Vernon, has been diagnosed with hemorrhoids.

Massive landslides in Venezuela coat essential highways in loose earth. Emergency responders report 25 deaths due to lack of resources.

Age: 72 years My niece, Sydney, has been promoted to Graphic Designer. My nephew, Vernon, moved out. He has been promoted to Tour Operator.

I died after suffering a stroke. My net worth at the time of my death was $78,816. Baby Maker Thing died in her sleep at the age of 72. Her funeral was attended by her four loving children and her two granddaughters. Her two siblings, Ciara and Dwayne, and her nieces and nephews couldn't be bothered to attend her funeral.

A pretty and witty young lady, Baby Maker worked as a carpenter for many years. Her ex says he couldn't believe it when she called him a jackwagon as he was breaking up with her. Age: 0 years I am a male who came into the world through artificial insemination in Cincinnati, United States. My single mother was impregnated by a sperm load that was anonymously donated to a fertility clinic.

My birthday is November 3. I am a Scorpio.

My name is Chuck Fox. My mother is Aretha Fox, a flight attendant (age 39). I have an older half sister named Sandra (age 1).

Age: 1 year My mother has been diagnosed with flatulence.

Age: 2 years My mother is no longer suffering from flatulence.

Age: 3 years While at the park, I had a blast running and jumping into a lake with all of my clothes on.

Age: 4 years My half sister, Sandra, started elementary school.

I found a ukulele under the couch and plucked out the theme song to 'SpongeBob SquarePants' by ear.

Age: 5 years I have been enrolled in elementary school at St. Brett's Elementary School, an all-boys school.

I put a rubber duck in the garbage disposal because I was curious about what sound it would make.

Age: 6 years Mom has read me the same picture book 18 times, and unlike her, I love it more each time.

I went whale watching with my mother.

Age: 7 years I found a ukulele under the couch and plucked out the theme song to 'SpongeBob SquarePants' by ear.

I am suffering from the chicken pox. My classmate, Ben, acted up in Mrs. Diggler-Dover's class. I visited the principal's office and reported my classmate, Ben, for acting up in class. The principal, Mr. Seaman, said he would look into it.

Age: 8 years I'm not sure what's gotten into my teacher lately. I called my teacher, Mrs. McWeeny, an alpha female.

Age: 9 years The rooftop water storage tank on the United Kingdom's capital building bursts, flooding surrounding areas.

Age: 10 years My half sister, Sandra, started middle school.

I went to a pool party and showed off a stylin' new swimsuit.

Age: 11 years I started middle school at Isaac Goldfarb Middle School, an all-boys school.

In the wake of rising ideological tensions, the Philippines has begun publicly ridiculing the policies of the United Arab Emirates.

My half sister, Sandra, asked me to get up to some mischief with her. I told her that I am no troublemaker.

Age: 12 years I visited the principal's office and reported my classmate, Levi, for skipping school. Levi was given lunch detention! Levi lunged at me! He lacerated my tooth. I told my classmate, Call Me, that he's tough. I slapped some books out of my classmate, Levi's, hands.

Age: 13 years My half sister, Sandra, started high school.

I was bullied at school by my classmate, Omari. I visited the principal's office and reported my classmate, Omari, for bullying me. Omari was given in-school detention! Omari attacked me! He banged my spleen. He whipped my adam's apple.

Age: 14 years I started high school at Cincinnati High School, an all-boys school.

I decided to see what extracurricular activities were available at my new high school. I joined the Yearbook Club at my high school.

Age: 15 years My half sister, Sandra, has been diagnosed with diarrhea.

My half sister, Sandra, has been sneaking out at night and I'm not sure if I should report her.

I was appreciative to my mother for taking me and my half sister on a business class family vacation to Lake Como, Italy.

Age: 16 years My half sister, Sandra, is no longer suffering from diarrhea.

The sponsor of the Yearbook Club at my high school asked me to become secretary of the club. I have become secretary of the Yearbook Club at my high school. I failed my driving test.

Age: 17 years My half sister, Sandra, graduated from high school.

I celebrated National Dumpling Day by eating excessive amounts of delicious Korean mondu dumplings.

Age: 18 years My half sister, Sandra, started a new position as Dishwasher for Le Spectrum. She moved out.

I graduated from high school.

I applied to university and was accepted. My mother refused to pay my university tuition. I was awarded a scholarship to university. I started a university program in dance.

Age: 19 years A personal trainer told me to go big or go home, so I returned to my dwelling.

I signed up for an Instagram account. I was hired to work 13 hours a week as a lab assistant for Cincinnati University. They're paying me $15 an hour.

Age: 20 years My half sister, Sandra, has been promoted to Busser.

I turned down a chance to take a suitcase to Saudi Arabia for $8,400.

Age: 21 years I've determined I will not need to worry about food or bills for the next ten years if I attempt to rob a bank, regardless of whether or not I am successful.

I called the leader of the band geeks brilliant. I am now a member of the band geeks clique.

Age: 22 years My half sister, Sandra, has been promoted to Host.

I graduated from university with an undergraduate degree in dance.

I was released from my position as Lab Assistant for Cincinnati University as I am no longer a student. The job recruiter identified the position of Firefighter at Cincinnati Fire Department as a match for my skill set. I agreed to an interview for the position. The job recruiter identified the position of Apprentice Carpenter at The Russell Group as a match for my skill set. I agreed to an interview for the position. I was hired for the position of Apprentice Carpenter for The Russell Group with a salary of $33,312.

Age: 23 years I've been wondering a lot lately if Waldo has ever been able to find himself.

I went axe throwing with my company on a team building exercise. I was hired to work 14 hours a week as a tour guide for Cincinnati Travel Service. They're paying me $14 an hour. I was hired to work 13 hours a week as a pool cleaner for Mary Grace Carr Pool. They're paying me $10 an hour. I asked Cincinnati Travel Service for a raise but was rejected.

Age: 24 years My half sister, Sandra, has been promoted to Food Runner.

I have a new supervisor named Tia Mayberry. The Russell Group promoted me to Carpenter with a salary of $42,336.

I took voice lessons. I took voice lessons.

Age: 25 years My mom notices how exhausted I am, and tells me that life is too short not to enjoy it.

My supervisor, Tia, asked me to start putting in 43 hours a week at The Russell Group. I told her that would be no problem. She called me an eager beaver.

Age: 26 years My half sister, Sandra, has been promoted to Server.

I have been given a raise of 4.3% in my position as Carpenter. My salary is now $44,141.

Scientists have announced that 36.9% of the Earth's oceans are now comprised of garbage.

I helped a little old lady call a service company after she got a flat tire in the pouring rain.

Age: 27 years My mother retired.

I took voice lessons. I took voice lessons. I took voice lessons. I took voice lessons.

Age: 28 years My half sister, Sandra, has been promoted to Head Waiter. My mother has been diagnosed with vaginal dryness.

I have been given a raise of 4.1% in my position as Carpenter. My salary is now $45,946.

My half sister, Sandra, asked me to get up to some mischief with her. I told her that I am no troublemaker. I took voice lessons. I took voice lessons. I took voice lessons. I took voice lessons.

Age: 29 years I'm feeling like I have too much on my plate, and none of it is delicious food.

I signed up for a YouTube account. I took voice lessons. I took voice lessons. I took voice lessons.

Age: 30 years I have been given a raise of 3.9% in my position as Carpenter. My salary is now $47,751.

Poland's political slander campaign against Australia's leader, Amelia Mills, has sparked heated hostility between the two governments.

I found a grocery cart full of heroin. I turned it in. I took voice lessons. I took voice lessons. I took voice lessons.

Age: 31 years My mother is no longer suffering from vaginal dryness.

I don’t sleep well or long at night. I’m up too early and go to bed too late chasing my paycheck.

I told my friend that, in my opinion, Craftsman-style architecture makes the best looking homes. I took voice lessons. I took voice lessons. I took voice lessons.

Age: 32 years My half sister, Sandra, married Joseph Chen, a 29-year old editor. She changed her name to Sandra Chen.

I have been given a raise of 3.8% in my position as Carpenter. My salary is now $49,556.

I am feeling spread too thin, and it's starting to wear me down.

I turned down an opportunity to go to the casino with friends. I began working harder in my job as Carpenter. I auditioned as a singer with Maple Entertainment but was not offered a record contract. I requested an audition for a record contract as a violinist with Mahogany Beats but didn't get a call back. I quit my part-time job as Tour Guide for Cincinnati Travel Service. I quit my part-time job as Pool Cleaner for Mary Grace Carr Pool. The job recruiter identified the position of Carpenter at The Fitzpatrick Group as a match for my skill set. I agreed to an interview for the position. I stopped showing up to work for my old position as Carpenter for The Russell Group. I was hired for the position of Carpenter for The Fitzpatrick Group with a salary of $58,615. I'm going to start working 70 hours a week at The Fitzpatrick Group from now on.

Age: 33 years My supervisor, Robin, said she needed the package in my pants. I hooked up with my supervisor, Robin! I requested an audition for a record contract as a cellist with Mahogany Beats but didn't get a call back. I requested an audition for a record contract as a singer with Mahogany Beats but didn't get a call back. I auditioned as a singer with Nourish Studios but was not offered a record contract. I took voice lessons. I went on the Nutrisystem diet.

Age: 34 years My half sister, Sandra, and her husband, Joseph, had a baby boy named Clayton Chen.

I have been given a raise of 9.1%. My salary is now $63,969.

Lately, I’ve been thinking that I might need to slow down.

Age: 35 years My half sister, Sandra, and her husband, Joseph, had a baby girl named Tiana Chen.

Age: 36 years Poland has implemented a military draft system to boost its forces as it officially declares war on Australia .

A friend suggested I try playing Fortnite but I couldn’t be bothered to play anything other than BitLife. I auditioned as a singer with Mahogany Beats but was not offered a record contract.

Age: 37 years My half sister, Sandra, and her husband, Joseph, had a baby boy named Fabian Chen.

War between Poland and Australia has ended following the election of Poland's new leader, Krzysztof Dabrowski. Official numbers have not been reported, but the death toll is expected to be unprecedented.

I have been diagnosed with high blood pressure. I signed up for a Twitter account. I requested an audition for a record contract as a singer with Mahogany Beats but didn't get a call back. I requested an audition for a record contract as a singer with Maple Entertainment but didn't get a call back. I decided to cut the hours I show up at The Fitzpatrick Group to 30 a week from now on.

Age: 38 years I was cured of high blood pressure. My co-worker, Jade, asked me to meet up with her late at night. She called me a turdsack! I auditioned as a singer with Nourish Studios but was not offered a record contract.

Age: 39 years My nephew, Clayton, started elementary school. My mother has been diagnosed with itchy bottom.

Age: 40 years My niece, Tiana, started elementary school. My mother is no longer suffering from itchy bottom.

My mother died of complications from old age. I planned her funeral and had her taxidermied and put on display in my home. My half sister and I each inherited $570,537. I was canned from my job as Carpenter for The Fitzpatrick Group. I asked my supervisor, Robin, to give me one more chance. She said she couldn't help me. I auditioned as a singer with Mahogany Beats. Mahogany Beats offered me a 4-year contract to produce pop music as a solo artist with a $29,000 advance. I signed as a singer for Mahogany Beats.

Age: 41 years I've been wondering if anyone else uses a pelvic thrust to close the silverware drawer.

My record label, Mahogany Beats, asked me to get to work on a debut album. I agreed to do it. I came up with a new synth-inspired pop album titled 'Fake Valley'. I decided that the lead-off track will be called 'Cry Me a Stream'. My record label, Mahogany Beats, gave me the green light to make 'Fake Valley'. I wrote a making money anthem for 'Fake Valley' and named it 'Downtown Funk'. My debut album, 'Fake Valley', was a moderate success. It sold 416,907 copies and did $6,253,605 in sales. I took home $687,897 from the release. I came up with a new bubblegum-inspired single titled 'Tracking Pavements'. My record label, Mahogany Beats, refused to make 'Tracking Pavements'.

Age: 42 years My nephew, Fabian, started elementary school.

I earned $190,257 in music royalties.

My record label, Mahogany Beats, invited me to perform a live concert at an anniversary party in New York. I accepted the invitation. I performed a live concert at an anniversary party in New York in front of 111 fans. I earned $122 from the event. My one-year old solo studio album, 'Fake Valley', went gold! I am officially famous.

Age: 43 years I earned $113,400 in music royalties.

After a devastating wildfire, I put a signed vinyl of my latest album up for auction and gave the proceeds to charity.

Age: 44 years I earned $61,186 in music royalties.

Despite attempts to conceal my identity, I've already been recognized by fans 63 times this month.

I was released by Mahogany Beats at the end of my record contract. I auditioned as a singer with Maple Entertainment. Maple Entertainment offered me a 4-year contract to produce pop music as a solo artist with a $214,000 advance. I signed as a singer for Maple Entertainment. I spent 35 minutes doing vocal straw exercises. I came up with a new space age-inspired pop album titled 'Tabby Road'. I decided that the lead-off track will be called 'Spinning in the Deep'. My record label, Maple Entertainment, gave me the green light to make 'Tabby Road'. I turned my friend down when he suggested we do a duet for my album, 'Tabby Road'. My latest release, 'Tabby Road', was a moderate success. It sold 382,461 copies and did $5,736,915 in sales. I took home $726,676 from the release.

Age: 45 years My nephew, Clayton, started middle school.

I earned $251,535 in music royalties.

My record label, Maple Entertainment, invited me to perform a live concert at a parade in Newark. I accepted the invitation. I performed a live concert at a parade in Newark in front of 2,105 fans. I earned $2,666 from the event. I came up with a new synth-inspired pop album titled 'Shabby Road'. I decided that the lead-off track will be called 'Cry Me a Stream'. My record label, Maple Entertainment, gave me the green light to make 'Shabby Road'. I told the editor of 'Below the Radar' that I preferred the simplicity of "Local Artist Records New Album" for an article they wrote about me. My latest release, 'Shabby Road', was a massive flop. It sold 28,625 copies and did $429,375 in sales. I took home $54,387 from the release. I decided that it would be a good idea to re-release a live version of 'Shabby Road'. My record label, Maple Entertainment, refused to release a live version of 'Shabby Road'. I decided that it would be a good idea to re-release a live version of 'Tabby Road'. My record label, Maple Entertainment, refused to release a live version of 'Tabby Road'. I spent 35 minutes doing jaw loosening exercises before a rehearsal. I spent 25 minutes making airplane noises with my mouth.

Age: 46 years My niece, Tiana, started middle school.

I earned $155,117 in music royalties.

I embarrassed myself by mistaking a celebrity for a different celebrity.

To promote my music, I started performing at strip malls around Cincinnati, but all I attracted was awkward-looking crowds. My two-year old solo studio album, 'Tabby Road', went gold!

Age: 47 years I earned $95,543 in music royalties.

I've been brainstorming ideas lately for ways to become more famous.

I promoted my music OG-style by hitting the streets and awkwardly handing out CDs to anyone who would take one.

Age: 48 years My nephew, Clayton, started high school. My nephew, Fabian, started middle school.

I earned $74,714 in music royalties.

Maple Entertainment offered me a new 2-year contract to continue producing pop music. I accepted it. I came up with a new dance-punk-inspired single titled 'Dance of Fortune'. My record label, Maple Entertainment, refused to make 'Dance of Fortune'.

Age: 49 years My niece, Tiana, started high school.

I earned $49,597 in music royalties.

My record label, Maple Entertainment, asked me to get to work on a new pop album. I agreed to do it. I came up with a new disco-inspired pop album titled 'Body Chat'. I decided that the lead-off track will be called 'Orchids'. My record label, Maple Entertainment, gave me the green light to make 'Body Chat'. On my manager's excellent advice, I told everyone I know to call the local radio station multiple times a day and request 'Orchids'. My latest release, 'Body Chat', was a moderate success. It sold 345,933 copies and did $5,188,995 in sales. I took home $657,273 from the release. I asked my record label to set up a world tour for me.

Age: 50 years My niece, Tiana, has been diagnosed with acne.

I earned $186,290 in music royalties.

I was released by Maple Entertainment at the end of my record contract. I applied to graduate school but my application was rejected. I applied to dental school but my application was rejected. I applied to business school but my application was rejected. The job recruiter identified the position of Carpenter at The Scott Company as a match for my skill set. I agreed to an interview for the position. I was hired for the position of Carpenter for The Scott Company with a salary of $69,597.

Age: 51 years My nephew, Fabian, started high school.

I earned $137,409 in music royalties.

I earned $805 by promoting a novel nasal aspirator on my YouTube account. I lost 5,515 subscribers.

Age: 52 years My nephew, Clayton, graduated from high school. My niece, Tiana, is no longer suffering from acne.

I earned $89,579 in music royalties.

I've been brainstorming ideas lately for ways to become more famous.

My three-year old solo studio album, 'Body Chat', went gold! My co-worker, Carrie, tried to hook up with me. I reported my co-worker, Carrie, to HR for making a sexual advance on me. Carrie was was docked two weeks wages! Carrie lunged at me! She perforated my buttocks. She fractured my forearm.

Age: 53 years My nephew, Clayton, began studying physics at university. My niece, Tiana, graduated from high school.

I have been given a raise of 4.8%. My salary is now $72,915. I earned $72,111 in music royalties.

Israel has blamed a slew of recent car bombs in the city center of Bethlehem on DR Congo.

Age: 54 years My nephew, Clayton, moved out. My niece, Tiana, began studying art history at university.

I earned $52,736 in music royalties.

The paparazzi caught me purchasing a butt plug.

I am no longer famous.

Something happened to my supervisor. I'm going to start working 70 hours a week at The Scott Company from now on.

Age: 55 years My nephew, Fabian, graduated from high school. My half sister, Sandra, has been diagnosed with flatulence.

I have been given a raise of 3.0%. My salary is now $75,128. I earned $42,677 in music royalties.

Working all these hours is starting to make me more sad.

I celebrated Chicken Finger Day by dipping some crunchy, delicious chicken fingers in real, homemade ranch dressing. YUM! I recognized that I need to work harder in order to fulfill my potential at The Scott Company. My hard work at The Scott Company did not go unnoticed. I felt motivated enough about my job as Carpenter that I put in some extra effort.

Age: 56 years My nephew, Fabian, began studying accounting at university. He moved out. My half sister, Sandra, is no longer suffering from flatulence.

I have a new supervisor named Leah Yamamoto. I earned $31,376 in music royalties.

I've been working my ass off, but my derriere is still the same size.

I have been diagnosed with high blood pressure. I said no to cosmopolitans.

Age: 57 years My nephew, Clayton, graduated from university with an undergraduate degree in physics. He started a new position as Engineer I for The Toucan Company. My niece, Tiana, moved out.

I earned $26,416 in music royalties.

I went to pick peaches with my supervisor, Leah.

Age: 58 years My niece, Tiana, graduated from university with an undergraduate degree in art history. She started a new position as Apprentice Photographer for Cincinnati Post.

I have been given a raise of 4.4%. My salary is now $78,446. I earned $26,782 in music royalties.

Financial collapse in Qatar has caused 98,909 people to lose their jobs.

I passed on an opportunity to promote weighted blankets on my YouTube account. I asked my supervisor, Leah, for a raise but was rejected.

Age: 59 years I earned $21,105 in music royalties.

I'm feeling extremely tired from the daily grind.

I turned down an opportunity to go to the horse races with friends.

Age: 60 years My niece, Tiana, has been promoted to Photographer. My nephew, Fabian, graduated from university with an undergraduate degree in accounting. He started a new position as Jr. Financial Analyst for Erect Data.

I earned $20,008 in music royalties.

I'm starting to wish I had idle hands so I could see what kind of work the devil has available, because it has to be better than the work I'm doing now.

I slept all night but woke up without any energy. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Suzuki diagnosed me with bronchitis. Dr. Suzuki treated my bronchitis. I was cured of bronchitis. I called the police on some homeowners who wanted me to build a hidden kill room in their basement.

Age: 61 years My nephew, Clayton, has been promoted to Engineer II.

I have a new supervisor named Zelda Cummer. I have been given a raise of 4.2%. My salary is now $81,765. I earned $18,217 in music royalties.

Algeria has expressed concern about potential military conflict with Israel.

I earned $1,110 by promoting an anti-wrinkle cream on my YouTube account.

Age: 62 years I earned $17,345 in music royalties.

A new wave of economic sanctions imposed by Algeria force Israel to retaliate with military force.

I went kayaking with my supervisor, Zelda.

Age: 63 years I earned $13,149 in music royalties.

I'm starting to feel that all work and no play makes me a dull boy.

I experienced some stiffness in my body. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Suzuki diagnosed me with arthritis. Dr. Suzuki treated my arthritis. I continue to suffer from arthritis. I started drinking lager. I decided to cut the hours I show up at The Scott Company to 40 a week from now on.

Age: 64 years I earned $12,234 in music royalties.

While getting a teeth cleaning, the dentist asked me how my tongue got so strong.

I was cured of high blood pressure.

Age: 65 years My half sister, Sandra, retired.

I earned $10,502 in music royalties.

I had no desire to do anything and just lay around all day. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Suzuki diagnosed me with bronchitis. Dr. Suzuki treated my bronchitis. I was cured of bronchitis. I advised a young woman to dump her cheating boyfriend. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Suzuki established that I am suffering from arthritis. Dr. Suzuki treated my arthritis. I continue to suffer from arthritis.

Age: 66 years My half sister, Sandra, has been diagnosed with bowel incontinence.

I earned $8,094 in music royalties.

I've learned that a tidal bulge is not referring to a surfer's erection.

I found a man stuck inside a car leaking fuel. I called the fire department but they were too late!

Age: 67 years I earned $6,357 in music royalties.

Sometimes, I think they put dragon meat in Indian food, because I ate some and now I'm breathing fire out of my anus.

I went to get foot massages with my supervisor, Zelda.

Age: 68 years My nephew, Clayton, has been promoted to Engineer III.

I earned $5,551 in music royalties.

I started eating poi.

Age: 69 years I earned $3,722 in music royalties.

I said no to morphine.

Age: 70 years My nephew, Fabian, has been promoted to Financial Analyst.

I earned $3,660 in music royalties.

I decided to go check out a filibuster at a local legislative session so I could learn more about the legislative process.

Age: 71 years My half sister, Sandra, is no longer suffering from bowel incontinence.

I earned $3,751 in music royalties.

I turned down an opportunity to retire and collect a pension from The Scott Company.

Age: 72 years I earned $2,919 in music royalties.

The Black Keys replied to a tweet that I posted.

My co-worker, Rian, annoyed me as he kept bothering me with annoying clichés. I had a talk with my co-worker, Rian.

Age: 73 years I earned $2,027 in music royalties.

While driving back to work from lunch, my supervisor, Zelda, suggested we do some hanky-panky in the car. She called me a ding-head!

Age: 74 years I earned $1,389 in music royalties.

I turned in a wallet that I found.

Age: 75 years I earned $2,106 in music royalties.

War between Algeria and Israel has ended following the election of Algeria's new leader, Gamal Amari. The war left 33,638 dead and another 89,592 injured.

I was forced to retire from my job as Carpenter for The Scott Company after being told that I am too old to keep doing this type of work. I thanked my supervisor for the opportunity to serve The Scott Company.

Age: 76 years I earned $2,240 in music royalties.

I flirted with a young hottie in the family planning aisle at the grocery store.

Age: 77 years I earned $2,193 in music royalties.

I said no to cannabis.

Age: 78 years I earned $1,903 in music royalties.

Travis Scott began following me on Instagram!

Age: 79 years My half sister, Sandra, was widowed after Joseph Chen died.

I earned $2,102 in music royalties.

I said no to daiquiris.

Age: 80 years I earned $2,029 in music royalties.

Someone named @thug698 posted a cruel comment on my Instagram account. I created a burner account on Instagram and trolled @thug698 by leaving a nasty comment on his account. @thug698 asked me to meet him in person at a bookstore. I declined his invitation.

Age: 81 years I earned $2,173 in music royalties.

I had a tech savvy friend help me sign in to my AOL account. I've got mail!

Age: 82 years My nephew, Clayton, married Jade Balls, a 47-year old Coast Guard enlistee.

I earned $2,259 in music royalties.

I experienced chills so intense they kept me in bed all day. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Grinch diagnosed me with bubonic plague. Dr. Grinch treated my bubonic plague. I was cured of bubonic plague. A hacker posted an announcement on my YouTube account saying I had to take a month off to deal with a crippling outbreak of diarrhea. I lost 631 subscribers. I laughed it off. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Grinch established that I am suffering from arthritis. Dr. Grinch treated my arthritis. I continue to suffer from arthritis.

Age: 83 years I earned $2,164 in music royalties.

Orgasmic meditation sanctuaries are all the rage in Vietnam.

Someone called @so_calm_3 posted a poll on his Instagram page asking people if they thought I was ghetto. I posted a hateful comment on @so_calm_3's Instagram page. @so_calm_3 asked me to meet him in person at a high school. I declined his invitation.

Age: 84 years I earned $1,943 in music royalties.

I found a backpack full of ecstasy. I turned it in.

Age: 85 years I earned $2,139 in music royalties.

I witnessed a punk rocker streaking naked. He saw me call the police! The punk rocker attacked me with some brass knuckles! He punched my elbow. I called the police on him but he fled before they arrived.

Age: 86 years My niece, Tiana, has been diagnosed with flatulence.

I earned $2,256 in music royalties.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how bathtubs are the opposite of boats.

I told some religious people who rang my doorbell that I wasn't interested.

Age: 87 years My nephew, Clayton, has been diagnosed with cancer of the mouth. My niece, Tiana, is no longer suffering from flatulence. My nephew, Fabian, married Kaelynn Esposito, a 52-year old real estate agent.

I earned $2,171 in music royalties.

I experienced a headache. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Grinch diagnosed me with the flu. Dr. Grinch treated my flu. I was cured of the flu. I ignored a male escort who was hollering at me.

Age: 88 years My half sister, Sandra, has been diagnosed with constipation.

I earned $2,136 in music royalties.

My half sister, Sandra, died while sleeping peacefully. I paid my respects at her funeral. I became friends with Pierre Pyle.

Age: 89 years I earned $2,123 in music royalties.

I'm starting to think it's time for critical thinking to become a larger part of the academic curriculum in my country.

My nephew, Clayton, died from complications associated with cancer of the mouth. I paid my respects at his funeral.

Age: 90 years I earned $2,132 in music royalties.

I said no to raw eel.

Age: 91 years I earned $2,096 in music royalties.

While walking downtown, I stepped in and helped a woman who was being harassed by a stranger.

Age: 92 years My nephew, Fabian, has been diagnosed with heart disease.

I earned $2,165 in music royalties.

I went to a David Guetta concert with my friend, Pierre.

Age: 93 years I earned $2,114 in music royalties.

I ignored a beggar who was giving me the stink eye.

Age: 94 years I earned $2,014 in music royalties.

I finally overcame my fear of public speaking.

My friend, Pierre, asked me for advice on improving his relationship with God. I gave him the best advice I could.

Age: 95 years I earned $2,282 in music royalties.

Age: 96 years I earned $1,932 in music royalties.

I've decided to start giving the thumbs down signal instead of using my middle finger, and hoping that it has more of an impact. Right down to the core.

I told a crazy person that I believe in aliens.

Age: 97 years I earned $2,013 in music royalties.

I encountered a cat and decided to make it my pet. I named him Hallow.

Age: 98 years I earned $2,027 in music royalties.

I've been spending a lot of time lately wondering if Pinocchio has wooden nuts.

My friend, Pierre, died of natural causes. I paid my respects at his funeral.

Age: 99 years I earned $2,207 in music royalties.

A college kid called me a putz! I forgave her.

Age: 100 years I earned $1,998 in music royalties.

I died while sleeping peacefully. My net worth at the time of my death was $3,212,384. Chuck Fox died at the age of 100. His niece and nephew couldn't be bothered to attend his services.

A charming and astute young fellow, he studied dance in college. Chuck's years of dedication paid off when he became a pop singer. He was never able to shake the rumor that he once romped with his supervisor. Age: 0 years I was born a male in Cork, Ireland. I was the product of artificial insemination.

My birthday is December 16. I am a Sagittarius.

My name is Call Mekevin The Youtuber. My mother is Katelyn The Youtuber, a receptionist (age 40). My father is unknown.

Age: 2 years Residents of Slovakia have largely converted to pig bone marrow-based protein as their main source of nutrients.

Age: 3 years I decided that pretending to play house is the most fun thing to do.

Age: 4 years A scientist from Slovakia has discovered the world's largest dinosaur penis fossil in a small village outside of Bratislava. It is reported that the find has stirred up some jealousy in the archaeological world, leaving some scientists with dinosaur penis envy.

I became friends with Ella Graham.

Age: 5 years I am suffering from mumps. I admitted to my mother that I broke her flower vase.

Age: 6 years I have been enrolled in primary school at Pluto Primary School.

Age: 7 years I was bullied at school by my classmate, William. I tried to right hook the bully but missed!

Age: 8 years A Category 4 cyclone has ravaged parts of Zimbabwe, causing widespread flooding and power outages.

My classmate, Freya, acted up in Mr. Moreno's class. I tried to right hook my classmate, Freya, but missed! I was sent to the headmaster's office for fighting. I apologized to the headmaster, Dr. McCormick, and assured him that it wouldn't happen again. I received a warning from the headmaster. My mother argued with me because the headmaster, Dr. McCormick, called her about my behavior in school. I assured her it wouldn't happen again.

Age: 9 years I ripped a joke in front of my class.

Age: 10 years I was bullied at school by my classmate, Jacob. I visited the headmaster's office and reported my classmate, Jacob, for bullying me. Jacob was suspended from school for one day!

Age: 11 years Cuba is slammed with an extremely fast-paced and destructive Category 3 hurricane, named Jayden. Mandatory evacuations proved successful in saving 844 families.

My friend, Ella, and I became enemies.

Age: 12 years I started junior secondary school at Samuel Daly Junior Secondary School.

I skipped school and went bird watching with my classmate, Ryan.

Age: 13 years I took a girl from school named Layla Burnell to the school dance.

Age: 14 years A new monumental sociological experiment indicates that people all over the world view Iraq's citizens as the most attractive of all. 17,695 of them become instantly conceited.

I simply ignored an offensive text that my enemy, Ella, sent. I signed up for a YouTube account. I signed up for a Twitter account. I posted a video on YouTube of me playing BitLife mindlessly. My video got 2 views and I got 2 new subscribers. I posted a video on YouTube of me beating the Alphabet Challenge on BitLife. My video got 3 views and I got 3 new subscribers. I posted a video on YouTube of me playing the Black Widow Challenge on BitLife. My video got 1 view. I decided to befriend my classmate, Ryan. I became friends with Ryan O'Toole.

Age: 15 years I started secondary school at Isobel Dunne Secondary School.

I decided to see what extracurricular activities were available at my new secondary school. The coach of the gymnastics team refused to let me try out for the team due to my grades.

Age: 16 years I tongue-kissed Alanna Thompson. It was my first kiss. She sucked on my tongue.

Age: 17 years I passed my driving test and got a driving license.

Age: 18 years I graduated from secondary school.

Ukraine has enforced an asset freeze on Nepal.

I applied to university and was accepted. My mother refused to pay my university tuition. I was awarded a scholarship to university. I started a university program in journalism.

Age: 19 years My mother has been diagnosed with vaginal dryness.

I accepted, and enjoyed watching, an illegally downloaded copy of "Forrest Gump" from my friend, Ryan.

Age: 20 years My friend, Ryan, asked me to become best friends with him. My friend, Ryan, and I became best friends. I took a walk down by the tracks. I waited to rob the Pristine Link train at midnight but it didn't show up.

Age: 21 years I refused to join Instagram. I prowled the neighborhood. I successfully stole a package from the porch of an equestrian property at 194 Pioneer Rd NW! It contained a glass bong! I traded it into the pawn shop for €62. I went window shopping. I tried to shoplift a Lebron James jersey but was apprehended by a mall cop! I decided to attack the mall cop! I punched the mall cop's groin! Then I punched his nose, leaving him with bloody nostrils! I was arrested for assault! I tried to run from the police but was caught! I was beaten by the police! They snapped my throat. They punctured my arm. They wallopped my foot. I was charged with assault and running from the police. I hired a public defender to represent me in court. I plead not guilty. I have been convicted of assault and running from the police and sentenced to two years in prison! They sent me to Molony Jail, a minimum security prison. I was forced to drop out of university.

Age: 22 years I informed a guard that an inmate had been cutting off bits of his own body and mailing them to people as an escape method.

Age: 23 years I have been freed from prison.

Age: 24 years A friend of my friend offered to set me up with a job as Janitor for Back Door Investments. I was hired for the position of Janitor for Back Door Investments with a salary of €15,863. I applied for some hours as a go-go dancer at Club Sedona but didn't get an interview. I applied for some hours as a go-go dancer at Club Sedona but didn't get an interview. I applied for some hours as a secretary at Trojan Motors but was rejected because of my criminal record. I applied for some hours as a fitness instructor at Horseshoe Fitness Center but was rejected because of my criminal record. I applied for some hours as a product tester at Dynamic Investments but was rejected because of my criminal record. A cowboy hired me as a tutor. I earned €315 after working 21 hours for him at €15 an hour.

Age: 25 years My co-worker, Oscar, annoyed me when he exposed his nasty feet to the entire office. I stamped my co-worker, Oscar's, face! Then I tugged on his earlobes, bruising them badly! I was arrested for assault! I cooperated with the police during my arrest. I was charged with assault. I hired Jones & Gallagher to represent me in court. I plead not guilty. I have been convicted of assault and sentenced to two years in prison! They sent me to Hackett Institution, a medium security prison. I was fired by Back Door Investments.

Age: 26 years My mother retired.

Nepal has officially deployed 75,802 soldiers to invade Ukraine.

I told a prisoner named Jack that he is swole.

Age: 27 years I have been freed from prison.

Ryan O'Toole unfriended me. I salvaged our friendship and changed his mind. My best friend, Ryan, and I had a heart-to-heart about Harry Styles's hair. I crushed seven slices of pizza when I attended a pizza party at my best friend, Ryan's, house. I told my best friend, Ryan, that he's a closer.

Age: 28 years On World Television Day, I appreciated the value of watching live sporting events on TV.

Age: 29 years My best friend, Ryan, asked me for advice about how to deal with some workplace drama. I gave him the best advice I could.

Age: 30 years A friend of my friend offered to set me up with a job as Janitor for Dynamic Investments. I was hired for the position of Janitor for Dynamic Investments with a salary of €16,944.

Age: 31 years Nepal's forces have been withdrawn from Ukraine, indicating an end to the war. The death toll from the war reached 1,498 with an additional 6,631 injured.

I had bloodshot eyes. I did some research online and concluded that I have whooping cough. I decided to visit the doctor. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Jones diagnosed me with pink eye. Dr. Jones treated my pink eye. I was cured of pink eye. My best friend, Ryan, and I got our Greek on at an awesome toga party.

Age: 32 years I have been given a raise of 8.5%. My salary is now €18,377.

I went to a Kesha concert with my best friend, Ryan.

I took my mother camping. My enemy, Ella, refused to go to a Shinto shrine with me. I took my best friend, Ryan, to a Jewish synagogue.

Age: 33 years My mother is no longer suffering from vaginal dryness.

Yet again, I patiently waited for my best friend, Ryan, at a restaurant who was only 20 minutes late this time.

Age: 34 years I have been given a raise of 7.8%. My salary is now €19,810.

I signed up for an Instagram account.

Age: 35 years I wore my favorite pajamas to a sleepover party at my best friend, Ryan's, house.

Age: 36 years I have been given a raise of 7.2%. My salary is now €21,243.

My best friend, Ryan's, fiancée, Louise, handed me a screw and said, "Wanna screw?". I decided to have a one night stand with her. I practiced unsafe sex. My fling, Louise, became pregnant with my baby! We chose not to keep the baby!

Age: 37 years My best friend, Ryan, and I became enemies.

Age: 38 years I said no to cosmopolitans.

Age: 39 years After discovering that I was out of sanitizing cleaner at work, I told the boss that I couldn't continue to clean until we got more.

Age: 40 years I have a new supervisor named Peggy McDonagh.

My enemy, Ella, started a rumor that I drunkenly hooked up with Gary Busey at a party once. I started a rumor that my enemy, Ella, makes out with a photo of Little Big Town every time she uses the restroom. She attacked me with a billy club! She hit my eyebrow.

Age: 42 years An expedition of world record-seeking mountain climbers accidentally generate an immense avalanche in Russia, killing 43 people.

I said no to GHB.

Age: 43 years California’s geological land mass has split from the United States. The body of water between the two is now known as the American Strait.

I experienced urges to embrace both men and women. I identified as heterosexual.

Age: 44 years I was disabled by a splitting headache. I did some research online and concluded that I have viral meningitis. I decided to visit the doctor. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Jones diagnosed me with the common cold. Dr. Jones treated my common cold. I was cured of the common cold. I decided to sell a diamond ring I found at work but ended up discovering that it was fake and worth nothing.

Age: 45 years My enemy, Ella, pranked me by placing a cardboard silhouette of a beetle on the inside of my lamp shade. I laughed it off.

Age: 46 years I went clubbing at Blowout Disco. I decided to have a one night stand with Britt Kuusik. I practiced safe sex.

Age: 47 years I experienced constipation. I did some research online and concluded that I have anorexia. I decided to visit the doctor. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Jones diagnosed me with constipation. Dr. Jones treated my constipation. I was cured of constipation. I turned down a chance to take a parcel to Venezuela for €18,100.

Age: 48 years Malaysia has enforced an asset freeze on Bolivia.

My fling, Britt, sent me a link to her favorite porn video. I sent her back a dirty talk audio clip.

I took my mother to a carnival. My enemy, Ella, refused to go to watch Fergie music videos with me. My enemy, Ryan, refused to go break dancing with me.

Age: 49 years My mother has been diagnosed with hemorrhoids.

I had diarrhea that was out of control. I did some research online and concluded that I have malaria. I decided to visit the doctor. I made a doctor's appointment. Dr. Jones diagnosed me with the flu. Dr. Jones treated my flu. I was cured of the flu. I went clubbing at Hot Spot Disco.

Age: 50 years I was laid-off from my job as Janitor for Dynamic Investments. I thanked my supervisor for the opportunity to serve Dynamic Investments. The job recruiter identified the position of Janitor at Wishbone Global as a match for my skill set. I agreed to an interview for the position. I was hired for the position of Janitor for Wishbone Global with a salary of €40,058.

Age: 51 years My mother is no longer suffering from hemorrhoids.

I called the police on my enemy, Ryan, after witnessing him trample my gardenias.

Age: 52 years My mother died after suffering a stroke. I planned her funeral and arranged for her to be buried per her wishes. I inherited €536,046.

Age: 53 years My supervisor, Zoe, asked me to start putting in 42 hours a week at Wishbone Global. I told her that would be no problem. She called me smooth.

Age: 54 years I have been given a raise of 9.2%. My salary is now €43,729.

I signed up for a Facebook account.

Age: 55 years My supervisor, Zoe, suggestively told me that her door is always open for me. I hooked up with my supervisor, Zoe!

Age: 56 years I have a new supervisor named Oisin Prothero.

I became friends with Craig Dalton.

Age: 57 years I recommended that my friend, Craig, significantly increase his fiber intake to help combat potentially messy incontinence issues.

Age: 58 years I have a new supervisor named Erin Flynn.

I am now dating Kira Yakovna.

Age: 59 years Israel has accused the United Arab Emirates of hoarding weapons of mass destruction.

My friend, Craig, asked me for advice about what type of car to buy. I gave him the best advice I could.

Age: 60 years Kira retired.

An asteroid has struck Greece. 1,416 have died and 1,765 have been injured.

Someone hacked into my Twitter account and used the personal information on my account to hack into my home network. I apologized to my followers. I told Kira that she's a champion. Kira and I discussed which is the best ice cream flavor. I gave Kira €10,000. I gave Kira some diamond earrings. I bought a 3.92-carat diamond ring for €175,700.

Age: 61 years The rooftop water storage tank on Hungary's capital building bursts, flooding surrounding areas.

My supervisor told me I can go back to working 38 hours a week again. Kira Yakovna proposed to me at a strip club! I accepted her proposal! I married Kira at a banquet hall. Kira and I went to the Blue Lagoon, Iceland, for our honeymoon. Kira decided to keep her name. Kira brought cash assets of €355,127 into our marriage. I had my 3.92-carat diamond ring cleaned. I had my 3.92-carat diamond ring appraised at €159,757. I tried to sell my 3.92-carat diamond ring. Nobody wanted to buy it.

Age: 62 years I have been given a raise of 10.5%. My salary is now €48,316.

I gave the middle finger to the pilot flying an offensive banner above my house that was commissioned by my enemy, Ryan. I tried to sell my 3.92-carat diamond ring. An entertainment mogul expressed interest in it but we were unable to come to a deal.

Age: 63 years Israel has begun bombarding the United Arab Emirates with a series of long range missile strikes.

My friend, Craig, stole a gargoyle from my lawn and took it on vacation, sending me a selfie of himself and the gargoyle in front of every landmark he visited. I laughed it off. I tried to sell my 3.92-carat diamond ring. I sold my 3.92-carat diamond ring to a professional rugby player for €134,000. I told Kira that she's stunning.

Age: 64 years My friend, Craig, began abusing alcohol. I staged a successful intervention for him.

Age: 65 years I tried ritalin.

Age: 66 years Kira admitted that she had slept with a number of men because she needed variety. I forgave her. I told Kira that she's elite. I had diabolical thoughts. I contacted a hitman named Tony Soprano to explore the possibility of wacking out my wife, Kira. He quoted me €18,400 to get the job done. I agreed to go through with it. Tony Soprano turned out to be an undercover cop! I was arrested for conspiracy to murder! I tried to bribe the police €637,000 but they arrested me anyway! I was charged with conspiracy to murder and bribery. I hired O'Banion & O'Connor to represent me in court. The judge offered me a plea bargain of 35 years if I plead guilty. I rejected the bargain and plead not guilty. I have been convicted of conspiracy to murder and bribery and sentenced to life in prison! They sent me to Spirit Federal Penitentiary, a maximum security prison. I was fired by Wishbone Global. I was caught trying to escape from prison! My prison sentence has been extended by eight years for felony escape! I tried to start a prison riot but was unsuccessful.

Age: 67 years I am suffering from depression. My friend, Craig, sent me a rubber vagina. I rejected his mail and returned it to sender. I had Machiavellian thoughts. I tried to bribe the prison guards but was unsuccessful. My prison sentence has been extended by three years for bribery! I hired O'Banion & O'Connor to appeal my sentence. I lost my appeal.

Age: 68 years I chose to masturbate all day to keep myself busy while serving a stint in the hole. I had Machiavellian thoughts. I bribed the prison guards by paying them €26,500 in exchange for 5 years of protection. I tried to stamp Tricks but missed!

Age: 69 years Craig Dalton unfriended me.

Age: 70 years I am suffering from the common cold. Kira sent me a sex video she made with another man while I was in prison. I forgave her.

Age: 71 years Kira and I have been married for 10 years.

I joined the Wrinkly Sneaks prison gang after being personally recruited by the leader of the local chapter.

Age: 72 years Kira has been diagnosed with itchy bottom.

I was cured of depression. I frolicked in the grass with a group of hardened inmates and made daisy chains in the sun. I had Machiavellian thoughts. I bribed the prison guards by paying them €15,900 in exchange for 3 years of protection.

Age: 73 years Kira is no longer suffering from itchy bottom.

My enemy, Ella, sent me a love doll. I told a prisoner named Hillbilly that he is a wack-ass sucka. He attacked me! He grazed my forearm. I expressed interest in joining the Brain Brothas prison gang but was rejected. I was kicked out of the Wrinkly Sneaks for trying to join a rival gang. I joined the Blue Ball Bulls prison gang. I told a prisoner named Chunky Jason that he is a penis face. My gang, the Blue Ball Bulls, got into a titanic battle with our rival gang, the Beefcake Bandits! I told a prisoner named Killer that he is ratchet. He lunged at me! He stretched my back. He elbowed my cheek. My gang, the Blue Ball Bulls, beat Killer for messing with me! They severed his spleen. They scratched his booty. He died from his injuries. I told a prisoner named Hillbilly that he is troglodyte. He attacked me with a belt! He beat my patella. My gang, the Blue Ball Bulls, beat Hillbilly for messing with me! They stretched his heel. They punctured his spleen. He died from his injuries. I headbutted Sister Cameron's skull! Then I tugged his eyelid, pulling out some eyelashes! I started a prison job as a plumber. I had Machiavellian thoughts. I bribed the prison guards by paying them €26,500 in exchange for 5 years of protection. I told a prisoner named Fat Sean that he smells like stinky vagina. He attacked me with a wire hanger! He whacked my thumb. My gang, the Blue Ball Bulls, beat Fat Sean for messing with me! They slapped his armpit. They jammed his foot. They lacerated his chest. He died from his injuries.

Age: 74 years Massive casualties of the war with the United Arab Emirates render Israel hopeless against the United Arab Emirates's war efforts, leading to imminent surrender. Remarkably, only 67 died in the conflict and a further 105 were injured.

I caught wind that Kira has been sleeping around while I've been in the clink. I forgave her.

Age: 75 years I am suffering from depression. I told a prisoner named Emmett that he is a wack-ass sucka. He attacked me with a water bottle! He smacked my jugular. My gang, the Blue Ball Bulls, beat Emmett for messing with me! They bit his armpit. They backhanded his heel. They impaled his neck. He died from his injuries. I asked to go to the infirmary but was denied.

Age: 76 years I died of natural causes. My net worth at the time of my death was €412,768. Call Mekevin The Youtuber died in prison at the age of 76. His wife, Kira, couldn't be bothered to attend his services.

A strapping and disciplined man, Call Mekevin worked as a janitor for many years. Friends describe him as often a douche nozzle to individuals that crossed him.